Five Things You Shouldn't Say to a Grieving Parent
Of all the posts I’ve done, I feel this is the most important one! After losing Ryen, I found that a lot of people distanced themselves from me—and I immediately took offense. HOWEVER, one thing I could not tolerate were the insensitive statements people would make (thinking they were comforting me). So here it is! The Top FIVE things you should NEVER say to a parent who just lost a child.
1. “You can always have another one” - if I’m not mistaken, 72 hours hadn’t gone by without someone opening their face to say this! Nothing and no one can replace your child..EVER. So although I may be able to love another child, that child will never fill that void.
2. “Everything happens for reason” - You have 10 seconds to give me a solid, sufficient reason and I’ll stop all this right now! There is nothing in this world I would rather have than my baby girl back in my arms.
3. “Time heals all wounds” - What I have learned ab
out grief is that its a fickle thing! Some years are better than others. Some holidays are more tolerable than others. So don’t offer this guarantee to a grieving parent.
4. “You just have to let go…” - This insinuates that if I “let go” the pain will some how subside. Losing Ryen literally broke my heart. I still don’t know how I function. I feel her absence Every. Single. Day. Its literally a heart injury.I ph
ysically feel it. But like most things you adapt (notice I did not say get over it).
5. “Have faith” - If you’re going to offer this to a bereaved parent make sure you have sufficient scripture to back it up! And still that may not work…
So after reading this you may be like..”So what am I supposed to say!?!”. My advice is to own up to the fact that you DON’T know what they’re going through but you LOVE them and want to support them in any way they need you to. Just check in a few times a week to let them know you’re there. They may isolate themselves and push you away…this is NOT the cue to get lost. Fight for them because oftentimes they aren’t able to fight for themselves. You may feel like you’re not a valuable part of the grief p
rocess but you are an INTEGRAL PART. In 2018, the easiest thing to do is send a “just checking on you” text! Its super simple, stop trying to be Iyanla, Dr.Phil or Oprah. Just be a loving friend. You’re enough!